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 Lightning - Shady

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Shady
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PostSubject: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:26 pm

Name: Lightning
Age: 19

Homecountry: Deadlands
Gender: Male
Height: 5'9"
Build: Fairly Muscular

Class: Knight
Level: Level 1 (Exp: 23/100)

Weapons: Slim Sword, Slim Sword (Cavern Defenders)
Weapon Rank: Vir 0/3

Summary: Lightning is an extremely serious person. He takes everything into consideration and is willing to help anyone in need. He uses his Sword to slowly kill his enemies with a devastating blow as if by a strike of lightning. He always goes for the big kills, even if his weapon is limited. He is a huge fan of teamwork, most of his skills are meant for team combos, well, the strong ones. He is an absolute mastermind and Tactician, his Intellegence is high as well, he always has multiple plans but uses the hardest ones.

Appearance: He has a serious face almost all the time, except when he hears a good joke once in a while, he laughs a lot. He is custom to wearing ripped shirts, even when he has the money to buy better ones, he believes it is a sign of a good Knight to carry battle scars. He uses normal jeans, and wears small flat shoes. His hair is often wild and not very taken care of. His face is resembles a very young teenager, and his body is muscular of that of a swordsman.
Spoiler:
 

Bio: Lightning was born in the Deadlands, but raised by himself in Zolfo. He trained in swordsmanship against other people and easily outclassed them. He usually worked at odd jobs to raise money for food, since he can only afford at least that much. After he though he trained enough, Lightning is now seeking companions to travel to The Bahuamet Empire and overthrow the King for sending his parents to jail. They were accused of thievery and were sentenced to Jail then execution in exactly 1 month. He hopes that his team will be strong enough to overthrow him, so it is his nature to provide a small "Test" by competing against him in a duel.

Additional Notes/Comments: He kicks ass.

Current RPs:
-Preparations for Terraeon

Completed RPs:
-Cavern Defenders (23 EXP and Slim Sword)


Last edited by Shady on Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:04 pm; edited 3 times in total
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NightGale
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:53 pm

Please write more in the Summary, explain his Appearance more rather than just showing a picture and define his background in his Bio a bit more. The Additional Notes are accepted :3 Also, his build is Fairy?! LOLOL That's the funniest thing I have read this whole week XD

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NotteEterna
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:28 pm

Shady, the Bone Tower, really? Do change that to something in one of the four nations for under the circumstances in the tower, there is no way a woman could conceive there, let alone anywhere in the Deadlands.

-I dont think fairy is an actual body type, but i dont know about them so I'll accept it.

-With the appearance, it is advised to give some description other than just a picture.
(I dont think it needs to be described with a picture there already, but at least have a short description)

-Yeah, the bio is rather understated...DO try to explain it a bit more, ok?
(for one thing you gave no reason why they were in the empire to begin with.)

Failure to fix it will lead me to simply close it with the grade i currently think it deserves...so i would go do that.

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Shady
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:37 pm

Yeah, sorry about that. The Poll thing was overlapping the text and I wrote so much more... which I just forgot. Stupid Google Chrome.
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NightGale
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 3:50 pm

Please post some more about how Lightning's parents were sent to jail. Why were they sent to jail? Were they accused? Got the body type, good. Also, what you said about the appearance isn't the appearance we're talking about here. His appearance means his attire and stuff. Please read other people's char forms as an example. Everything needs to be elaborated. As I can see, I'd give this char form a 2 out 5 which is not enough to be accepted for RPing. This is the last chance, elaborate more please.

P.S. Nothing personal, just being doing my job.

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Shady
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:04 pm

Final Edit. I await my grade.
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NotteEterna
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PostSubject: Re: Lightning - Shady   Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:16 pm

Well, after discussing it with Basil, the birthplace is approved....

After the grammar/spelling errors and the hassle with getting it passable, I cannot give you a 5, but I have decided to give you a 4/5 between forced effort and the fact that it is believable and could have some interesting stories made with his background.

I will now close this.

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